Friday, May 6, 2016

Strong.

I will try to be ready,
I will try to be strong.
No matter what I will try.
I'm not gonna waste my time anymore for this.




Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Depresed

**Wrote this on December 2015. But never publushed it before. So... yeah

Hye, hello, assalamualaikum.

It's been a while since I last wrote in this blog of mine. But who cares? No one's reading it right?

About my title, depressed. 
Yes, it's been a week already that I'm suffering from a big depression due to a huge and serious problem, well for me it  was really huge and serious. I cried for like 3 days. And I cried so much sampai Mama asked me "kenapa dengan mata?" and all I said was just "oh, kakak tenyeh tadi."

And I only told about this to 4 person only. It's not that I don't trust my other bffs, it's just that I'm scared that I'm gonna cry seeing their response. And so I decided to tell them later, when I am ready to tell about how disappointed I am and how like a failure I feel.

At first I just wanna talk about this to just 3 people, well maybe just 2 because the other 1 I just cried very very badly in front of her. Note that I never cried for more than 10 minutes because I really hate feeling like a weak person when I cried. And what is the reason I don't really wanna talk about this to that person actually because I know that person will be so hard to read and reply to my messages. Before this I know that that person's phone got many problems but now, that person can no longer use that excuse. 

And when I tell that person this problem, I hope that person will eventually talk me through this, but sadly no, yep just like what I predicted, it takes days for that person to ask me and reply me again. So yeah, a little bit disappointed and even sadder. What to do, someone's too busy and you're no longer that person priority, I guess I should just let go.

And right now I've lost my appetite. I feel hungry but I can't even finish my food, I can't even finish half of maggi mee even after a long day without eating anything. Before this I eat like a lot. Like, a lot. I got hungry every 3-4 hours but now sadly, no more. 

I was so disappointed of myself. 

But i know this happened for reasons, there's a hikmah in everything. I know that He knows what is the best for me and I trust Allah for this. 

InsyaAllah.

The broken one,

NNS. :')

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Penat.

Aku penat dengan perasaan nie. 
Sampai bila lagi aku mampu tanggung semua ini.
Kau tak pernah peduli.
Aku cakap macam mana pun kau tak pernah peduli, seperti aku nie tiada apa apa makna untuk kau.
Kelakar.
Dahulu, kau pertahankan kau cuba perjuangkan.
Sekarang kau dah dapat, apa aku cakap pun kau tak akan pernah ambil peduli 
Dan aku masih makan hati. Masih sakit.
Sakit yang tak pernah terubat.
Peduli kan lah.
Biar sahaja aku disini dengan penat aku.
Teruskan lah dengan ketidak peduli an engkau.
Sampai masa nanti bila aku pergi, tolong jangan cari aku kembali.
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