Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Depresed

**Wrote this on December 2015. But never publushed it before. So... yeah

Hye, hello, assalamualaikum.

It's been a while since I last wrote in this blog of mine. But who cares? No one's reading it right?

About my title, depressed. 
Yes, it's been a week already that I'm suffering from a big depression due to a huge and serious problem, well for me it  was really huge and serious. I cried for like 3 days. And I cried so much sampai Mama asked me "kenapa dengan mata?" and all I said was just "oh, kakak tenyeh tadi."

And I only told about this to 4 person only. It's not that I don't trust my other bffs, it's just that I'm scared that I'm gonna cry seeing their response. And so I decided to tell them later, when I am ready to tell about how disappointed I am and how like a failure I feel.

At first I just wanna talk about this to just 3 people, well maybe just 2 because the other 1 I just cried very very badly in front of her. Note that I never cried for more than 10 minutes because I really hate feeling like a weak person when I cried. And what is the reason I don't really wanna talk about this to that person actually because I know that person will be so hard to read and reply to my messages. Before this I know that that person's phone got many problems but now, that person can no longer use that excuse. 

And when I tell that person this problem, I hope that person will eventually talk me through this, but sadly no, yep just like what I predicted, it takes days for that person to ask me and reply me again. So yeah, a little bit disappointed and even sadder. What to do, someone's too busy and you're no longer that person priority, I guess I should just let go.

And right now I've lost my appetite. I feel hungry but I can't even finish my food, I can't even finish half of maggi mee even after a long day without eating anything. Before this I eat like a lot. Like, a lot. I got hungry every 3-4 hours but now sadly, no more. 

I was so disappointed of myself. 

But i know this happened for reasons, there's a hikmah in everything. I know that He knows what is the best for me and I trust Allah for this. 

InsyaAllah.

The broken one,

NNS. :')

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